She was DYING two nights ago. Cold, lateral, she gave out what we call the “death cry”. I was certain we were losing her. Today her appetite is insatiable, she been hopping along at my side and crying for me when I put her in a cage. This is my first time bringing home this critical of a case and I feel like superwoman!!
The brown tabby from this picture is fading in my arms as I write this. She started getting an eye infection, we began treating and over some time she started losing weight and not responding to any of our medications. While in surgery I heard her howling, lateral, and after a huge scurry to get her hooked up with a catheter and getting dextrose in her I wrapped her in a heated blanket and decided to just hold her until the pain stops. Nothing is working and there’s not much more we can do. Its 11 pm and my feet are sore, my stomach aches and I’ve just gotten through with 17 appointments, 2 tech appointments, and 2 surgeries all with one doctor. But I won’t let her go alone in the dark.
The emotions that come with this job…. Sometimes I go through the day pushing it all down, the euthanasias, the sobbing families the never ending stress of trying so hard and sometimes losing it all in a moment. These rescue animals…they come and go so easy but we try to save them so genuinely with all we have. Its moments like this that remind me that I am still human, I am still capable of this feeling, and as long as I decide this is my career I will face it over and over like a vicious cycle.
But I can see the mothers cage from where I am. Her three other kittens are playing, healthy, and hopping on one another. I hold in my arms what destroys a part of me, but I can see in the corner of my eye what gives me life.